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Written by Richard Smith
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Thursday, 18 December 2008 |
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Unforgiveness
When forgiveness is not there then we only have a sense of turmoil and turbulence and when forgiveness is there we have peace, strength and renewed power. Unforgiveness allows the past and other people to dominate our lives and consumes our physical and emotion energy as we continue to nurse the unresolved issues in our lives. Any time we hold a grudge long term and it will poison our bodies. And such an unforgiving attitude can hinder our healing and feed any cancer that we might have.
Anger, bitterness, depression, anxiety, devastating grief and sorrow are just some examples of what can fester inside us until resolved. (When I use the word “resolved” I mean that an issue and the people involved are a closed case—no longer able to create in us harmful reactions in the present time.) Forgiveness is essential for all healing. Giving and receiving forgiveness is the only way to bleed off the emotional and mental ache we feel when we have been hurt or hurt another.
We know forgiveness is an issue whenever we think such things as,
"Since ____ did that to me I can't let it go - I can't get it out of my head."
"I can't stop thinking about what happened and the pain it caused.”
"I just want the guilt and pain to go away."
“She had it coming to her but I feel terrible about what I did.”
There is no substitute for forgiveness but it does not happen when we reluctantly give it to another with a heave and a sigh, and feel that somehow we have been the loser in doing so. When forgiveness is given or received rightly even physical pain can be reduced at times.
We need to learn to learn how to receive emotional healing because our lives depend on it. So what Is Forgiveness?
First recognize that forgiveness is not earned; it is given.
When we lived in Communist Ethiopia we did not realize the stress we were under until we left. When we stepped off the plan in Nairobi suddenly the stress dropped away—unrecognized until it was absent. Keeping a grudge is like that stress. Forgiveness is a gift we give and receive, a grudge we let go of. When we do so, it eliminates the poisons we never realized were there until they were gone—but the poisons were there nonetheless.
Forgiveness in the nutshell is this: Giving over into God’s hands the person and issue associated with that person with the expectation that he will see that justice is done on our behalf. Maybe you've said the words, “Forgive me …” and “ I forgive ___ for…” but nothing really changed. I've been working with this technique of forgiveness since the 1980s. I've guided people hundreds of times and taught others how to forgive. There is a specific sequence of events that need to be considered before we can be sure forgiveness has happened. Just saying a bunch of words doesn’t do it. You must be deliberate and with a realistic view of what the issues are.
After forgiveness we have a greater ability to concentrate with focus and clarity. We enjoy life more and with the weight of the burden gone. We have more energy. We stop repeating harmful patterns of life. The past is the past and no longer part of the present. The tensions and stresses of life are lessened and the body and mind are in a healing process—not a death process. Our perspective and reality are more centered in truth and we have greater wisdom.
The How-to
The Narrow Road to Forgiveness explains how to approach God in such a way that we can clearly forgive another and how we can truly confess our own faults and receive forgiveness. This is not an “easy fix;” it takes some thought and, depending on how dynamic the circumstances, we need “safe others” to help us. What I do know is this: once we approach God on his terms and ask rightly then we will receive a release from the guilt, if there, and from the harmful emotions associated with what others have done to us.
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Last Updated ( Friday, 02 January 2009 )
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